I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
