Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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