I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
