dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Randomize
