ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
