I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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