the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
