So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
