Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
