kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
