sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
