I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I am midnight drunk by noon
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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