She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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