He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
