can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
