When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
