make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
