She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
