Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
