Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
