Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
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