Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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