I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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