Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
