Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
