she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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