I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Someone shattered a urinal.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
