I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
