I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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