I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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