I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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