who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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