i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
