If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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