it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
