I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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