some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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