we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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