"it" just moved
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
