I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
