Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
