Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
