today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
