I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
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im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
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Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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