What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
