i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
