Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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