Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
