NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
