I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
