she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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