are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Randomize
