Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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