Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
