Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
