Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
