i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
