I'm going to jail i love you
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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