yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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