That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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