Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
