take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
