I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize